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But other than that I think it was pretty perfect as far as virgins go. At the time, I was blinded by my love, so I chose to look past that. We had talked about it before and we got this cheap motel and we did it. The problem was, it never got better. So we lit candles and took it slow. I was scared that sex would hurt, and that fear made me more tense, so even though I was happy to be sharing that intimacy with my partner, I couldn't really relax and it hurt a bit. I asked one of the people that knew me best at the time, my sort-of boyfriend, if he would take my virginity, and he agreed. He ignored my texts, never spoke to me again, and avoided eye contact every time we ran into each other for the next four years. It didn't hurt or anything like I'd expected, which was interesting!

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